CLWO #5

Click to see: Arbonne Smoothing Facial Cleanser


some might think of arbonne as the mary kay of this century, but i don't really think it has much in common other than the pyramid structure.  the company is held to the stricter european standard in health/beauty care as far as the ingredients.  it is a natural line, costs a little more, and works wonders.  i suppose that's relative over what you've been using before though.  clinique is a big fav by a lot of women i know, but it really never did much for me.  that also has been years ago.  bioelements is a line i've favored for a while, and i've liked several of their products and continue to buy them on a not so regular basis, except for one of the gel based moisturizers that i use in the summer.  might be CLWO #6.

on to the item of today, the RE9 line is an anti-aging line designed specifically for more mature skin, as in over 40.  i've been using it for over three years and i don't know if i look 33 or not.  click the link and find the before and after pictures to see for yourself.  what it has done for the texture of my skin has been fabulous.  i love all the products of the original RE9 line, and just received my kit of the RE9 advanced.  i couldn't wait to try it.  i was wowed by the cleanser.  my skin felt silky, not oily (big issue here).  the product itself lathered up better than the previous cleanser, and almost felt mousse-like by the time i was ready to rinse.  the sticker price on arbonne (because you can't possibly buy just one item) always makes me cringe, but with the improved dispensing of this cleanser - which comes in a gravity-fed tube with a quarter opening lid - i have a feeling this bottle will last me three months.  i got a box of goodies to try, so you might see a lot of products coming after this.  but when i pay for an item like this, you'd better believe i'm going to be picky!

L'anza

after living with a hair designer for years, and playing with hair like i knew what i was doing for decades before that, i feel like i've experimented with a lot of product.  this line has made my hair feel like the hair in commercials look.  trauma treatment, just a dab, will smooth out everything.  with this mop, you know that's no small feat.  i can run a wide tooth comb through my hair and it doesn't snag.  the conditioner is weightless but it actually conditions my hair; doesn't just clog up my drain.  and my hair feels healthier and looks healthier.  after years of coloring, i think any shampoo and conditioner that can do that is beyond amazing.  i have been a paul mitchell, tigi, redken, aquage girl ... and all of that stuff felt like i was using some homemade combination of dawn and lord knows what, in comparison.  it's fantastic.  get a trial size - you will not be disappointed!

CLWO #4

Click here to link to: Bob Revolution Stroller

I run a few times a week.  I can't call myself a runner ... it's a thing.  I wouldn't consider myself a runner unless I was die-hard.  And I'm not.  But I do love a challenge, and if anything running always is for me.  Especially when I have 20 pounds of stroller, and 40 pounds of boy.

I like to call him Bob Lexus.  Bob is a dream.  Lockout wheel, should you choose; ample stride space; convertible in the event you just want something to shop with; recline if your child will let you (ahem); padded seat, easy and quick to fold and put in the trunk of your car (keep the brake unlocked so you can roll it in and out quickly).  It's pricey.  But I promise you spending money on this once will keep you from buying something half the price, and then again when you find out how disappointed you are with your first purchase.  With an optional rain cover, and a sun canopy that borders on overkill, your child can only complain so much about the three miles you're trying to log because you don't have a sitter and they have to come with you this one time!  So hand them a DVD player or a toy, load up the snacks, and get rolling.  Mine is chocolate and blue, and other than tire wear, it looks as good as the day I bought it.  A really nice step from a Pilko P3.

CLWO #3

Click to link to: Blackberry Curve 8530

currently there's a lot of deliberation and question regarding our contract and coverage for our cell provider at work.  in the interim, i managed to land a plum colored curve (8530) while the details of a possible switch are ironed out.

in the meantime, i can't stop playing with my phone and figuring out all the new tricks and features.  they don't call it crackberry without reason.  make that reasons.

once i can hook up my work email, i will be in business!

CLWO #2

Click to link to: VS The Nakeds Demi Bra

so i've been a VS fan for years.  they're marketing geniuses that speak to me, anyway.  it seems every time i'm ready to try something new, they come out with the next best thing.  i've been on the dream angels kick for a while now ... a big fan of the solid microfiber, wet suit bra - whatever that one was.  and now, drumroll please, The Nakeds have arrived.  i think VS works for you or it doesn't; sort of like nike and running shoes.  but if you're a current client, you won't be disappointed in the $45 you drop down on this bra.  it's light but not overpowering in the padding department at all.  it's supportive without being toddleresqe on your ribcage.  the straps are just right.  you've got to try it.  oh - and my three-year old conveniently experienced his first trip into VS and raves about the bronze metallic one.  at least that's the one he picked out for me.

CLWO #1

Click for: CB2 Cora Carafe

Forgo your next Chik-Fil-A lunch and order this instead.  The glass is solid and heavyweight without feeling like you'd break a toe if it slipped.  And amazingly, it might even survive the fall.  You come up with 17 reasons a day (and night) to not drink more water and your skin, organs, and attitude suffer because of it.  For $10+shipping, your body will thank you for making this purchase.  Suggestion: order one per adult as these things will grow legs in the middle of the night.

Today, this is the item I Can't Live WithOut.

the oprah effect.

apparently oprah guides the USA with her omniscient perspective of life.  oprah for president?  i'm all for it.  people become famous for mocking her, imitating her, just mentioning her name next to a product speaks $$$.  she is a strong economy booster, and even a five-minute google search on the oprah effect will provide you enough reading to understand that this woman is a force.  she might even be The Force.  but however voluminous and bigger than life this Democratic Queen is over her followers, there are two things i can't get past.

1. she appears on the cover of every one of her own magazines.

2. she once said at the end of the day from taping a show, sometimes she can't even remember what the show was about since she's dealing with so many things at once.

nevertheless i'm going to pretend to be oprah for a while, and post anything and everything i think you should think, own, experience, feel, and perceive.  i mean, you can't knock it 'til you try it, right?

easter recipe.

today with the fam was wonderful!  being outdoors for two days in a row, smelling like sunscreen, watching ashton run around and get filthy ... life has been good!  the house is a wreck but amazingly i care less and less.  if you know me, you might have just fallen out of your chair.

today my recipe was the embedded link.  since i've never done this before i don't know what it's going to look like.  if it doesn't post right, foodnetwork (pineapple, lime, coconut) and it should be the first thing to pop up from rachel ray.  not a huge fan, but this was fairly healthy, and easy, and super delightful on a day like today!  since i've developed weird food things, that i will save for another day, it was ashton-safe and 100% organic.  yum.my.

six weeks off.

sometimes stopping to think about something is a blessing and a curse.  but last night i laid awake in my bed until after 2am.  not from coffee, not from lack of my usual herbal supplements that aid in my rest.  i had a major processing session that would NOT cease.  and i cried.  and i smiled.  and i cried more.  and laughed at myself in my head.  all of the good things that come about with a true moment and revelation.

at the end of the day i'm pretty sure i'm swirling around aimlessly.  i have targets, but no aim.  i keep waiting for something to happen.  maybe i always have.  and it's a terribly bizarre feeling to be so controlling yet anticipating for other factors to shape my decisions.  how does that happen?!  and in the end, the thing i must let go is the control.  surrender is not a word that comes to my vocabulary easily.  neither does faith.  no offense but i have very little faith in anyone anymore.  i am sure i have earned the same level of respect, so i understand the magnitude of this statement.  there are people i trust.  there are people i do have faith in and believe in.  at 33 i have no idea how to cautiously trust or cautiously have faith in.  i do it or i don't.  one of the things i actually don't half-ass.

so the revelation, while deeply personal and profound and all that, will not rear its head openly or blatantly, but change is on the front.  the older you get, the harder it is.  the more people depend on you, the harder it is.  although i suppose the glass half full version is i'm not old, and only one person really depends on me.  guess i'm in better shape than i thought!

on to tangible ...

took ARB to the CMH yesterday and he had a great time.  i wish we lived in a city that had a children's museum more accessible.  the grand building downtown would be perfect - and could even provide a place for them to ride big wheels, and scooters, etc.  but, it helps push me out of the staunton city limits.  the older ashton gets the more i need to have access to - and i mean easy access to - bigger and better things for him to expend his energy on.

unfortunately this morning he's asking to go to the park, and he's sick with a cold again.  his poor cough was so bad last night i pumped a shot of my inhaler in him.  the meds he has are the wrong 'scrip and would have kept him jacked up all night long.  i had to make an executive decision.  thankfully it worked almost immediately, but the bad news is every cough he gets seems to exacerbate his asthma.  no, he hasn't been officially diagnosed with it.

the results came back with his blood test and his panel really shocked me.  i want to see the quantitative numbers so i know what we're looking at, but not good.  his soy allergy is registered higher than his brazil nut or almond allergy.  soy is a huge percentage of his diet at this point.  i'm hesitant to cease because of whatever antibodies his body has built up so far.  i may try to get him in at duke at a recommendation of a FB friend whose son makes ashton look like he has no problems.  gosh my heart goes out to her and her story has really shaken me.  but bigger hopes are that duke can help acclimate him to some of the allergens and push his immune system to handle more foods.  sort of a two-fold idea in that for his own safety the fewer allergens he has, the better and hopefully better quality of life.  the second fold being his nutritional needs.

i'm missing church right now - yoga.  i've been going sunday mornings for 90 minutes, followed by a run later in the day, and i have come to fall in love with my sunday schedule.  today it's off b/c of AsD having to work.  poor kid hasn't had a normal schedule in weeks.  and tomorrow i go back to school.  i'm  not nervous about this class.  i'm worried about studying for my GMAT's though.  i only have two weeks before I have the test.  not feeling prepared at all.  a lot of work ahead of me in the next two weeks with work and school.

work is kicking my arse.  i don't even want to go there because it would be pages, but my project is still not complete, and it's tax season, and i'm fixing mistakes left and right and it's making me a little nuts.  it's the actual work, not the people.  i have a great team, thankfully.  makes life much easier.

finally got my tree down yesterday, and all packed away.  it always gets worse before it gets better on the organizing side, so now i need to find where this tree is going to live in my house!  yikes!  i gave away six bags of clothes to goodwill NYE to help clear out some room.  i have so many clothes of ashton's ... i need to begin posting on eBay again, but there never seems to be time.  right ... that's why i'm typing on my blog.  it's always something!!!

i have a date with my sister tuesday night, and i'm really looking forward to it!  ARB's schedule, again, is all screwed up but thankfully AsD is being flexible monday and tuesday, and helping out tremendously.  ARB started basketball last tuesday - so freaking cute!!!  i cannot believe how much he's changed since turning three.  seriously amazing.  the potty training is going pretty well.  i have to watch him if he has a treat (sprite) because it makes his kidneys/bladder go nuts.  but other than that, we're just doing a diaper at night.  i'm not doing pullups.  blech.  and he knows how to hold it.  it's been more a question of attitude and willingness.  when they say you can't push it, they aren't kidding.  i mean, just take a look at his parents.  heh.

off to do laundry again.  without a washer/dryer from 12/24 through 1/22.  and it's making me crazy!  i'm a little religious about the laundry.  it is, however, making expand my regular clothing choices.  always a good thing when trying to clean out the closet.

off to have a wonderful mommy day sunday with the little dude.  and try to quash this cold so he feels better, and study!

gratitude:
- warm house
- good music
- owning a piano

i can't. i will, but i can't.

i am sort of at the end of my rope here.  it has been a really rough stretch of time over the last seven days.  i am complaining.  i know people everywhere have more to complain about.  i know i need to get my perspective and focus, and be grateful.  and i will be in a minute.  the thing about me though, as a sag, is that it is healthy for me to vent.  so while you're all concerned that i'm "really upset, and distraught over nothing," or actually something, i'm probably way past it and have moved on.  i need to get it out.  it's my therapy.  it's what i do.  and it's good for me.

last week i made a phone call to the police department regarding suspicious activity outside my house.  inside i was terrorized.  complete wreck.  i knew what was going on, and that jealousy and irrationality had taken root.  but an inability to cope with life should not impact mine in this manner.  and, in fact, i did not hesitate to call the police.  i also didn't hesitate to proceed to nuckol's immediately following.  i have had multiple conversations with gun owners.  i am not a current gun owner but i intend to be.  i have wanted possession of a firearms for quite some time.  it was agreed at my former residence that it would not be a good idea, so i respected that.  but the line has been crossed with me.  i do not feel okay.  i was made to feel unsafe in my own home.  and it is not okay - SO not okay with me.

i saw my friend RJE today and we agreed we should both go take the class to pursue our concealed weapons permits, which should hopefully transpire in the next 30-60 days if schedules allot.  i don't really even know what to say about it at this point.  other than i have had the appropriate conversations with pro-gun people regarding my intentions with a firearm, and the responsibility it carries.

i'm exhausted.  i'm mentally done.  this project at work has me bent over backwards, and i take five and 10 minute breaks to just look at something different, usually mindless like facebook, and return.  tonight we got an update installed, and i wanted it done prior to the rollover to make sure everything was changed at once and we got used to something new simultaneously.  and the entire database isn't converting.  i mean EVERYTHING.  i am in tears.  i scheduled to work tonight, and i am literally in tears about what's going to come over the next five days until we go live.  ill, i tell you.

the bright spots are that the project will be fantastic once completed.  and i have so many big projects lined up i don't know how to juggle them all.  i hate leaving the smaller projects to the side probably as much as the stores asking for them.

i am in BRCC.  however the class i need is full.  not the worst thing in the world, but i feel like my momentum is being tested.  i feel good about my choice to go back so far.  i hope that drive and push continue, and i hope the rest falls into place.  my fingers are crossed tightly.

sometimes you just have to cry.  i haven't had a good cry in a long time.  my well has sort of been dried up.  but i feel like i would overcome a huge emotional hurdle if i could just let it out.  it's not quite there, but i'm feeling that type of release would do me tons of good.

gratitude:
- a beautiful boy who gave me a kiss on my forehead tonight and said i love you so much mommy
- a staff that is understanding, full of life, and a great work family
- a warm home (even if i was told to walk around NOT in my high heels because i made too much noise)

 

in motion.

i have finally gotten it together enough to talk school. for six months, give or take, i've had my app to JMU's MBA program 1/2 finished. something happened last week and i decided to start moving on it. i am financially in motion to clear out my debt, restructure my budget, and have begun filling out my FAFSA. i spoke to my old professor today from MBC that heads the ADP department and discussed options. i was trying to make something work there for logistical reasons, but it's not going to pan out. back to JMU. starts august of 2010. gives me time to line up financial aid, babysitting, and a reasonable school/homework schedule. now comes the really hard part: getting accepted.

i am so nervous. i probably shouldn't even be putting anything down in black and white. GRE/GMAT's make me want to throw up. i don't remember the last time i took a standardized test. that phrase alone makes me want to scream. AND ... if i don't get in, i do have a backup plan, which i suppose is a good thing. i might take a class in the meantime just because - get my feet wet and make sure it's the route i want to go before i go back into debt even though this time will be a much worthier cause.

so i'm excited. nervous. feel a little more like i have a compass instead of like a two-year old spinning around on a merry-go-round. now let's see where this takes me. because you know i have 1,000,001 more ideas that keep floating around in my head that i can't stop. and maybe one of those will take hold before this does. what can i say ... i'm full of thoughts and ideas!

volleyball stunk tonight. we lost. didn't play well - most of us didn't, i should say. and really we beat ourselves. there's always next week. yesterday we didn't do terrible - won one, lost one. we shouldn't have lost but we were tired at the end. and i know frank set up the schedule that way on purpose :) six games ... we were just done.

and i'm done. after the 8k in richmond saturday morning, i slept so-so that night. sunday morning i did a 90-min yoga class, then had brunch with a "new" friend - she and i had a great time talking, getting to know each other, i bought a pair of earrings i've been looking at for over a year (yeah!), then started fall cleaning my house, two volleyball matches, and early to bed. exhausted to say the least.

and i'm pretty sure it's time i go to bed.

gratitude:

- a bigger plan than my own

- acceptance, in the brief instances i own that feeling

- ashy's sweet face

sometimes.

warning: this post is going to sound serious. don't read too much into it. i'm allowed to vent without you jumping to conclusions. that's what this is for.

sometimes i look around and i have no idea what is going on. i have no idea where i'm going, where i've been, what i ate, who i just talked to. nothing. i have trouble reasoning through my reasoning. i question everything. feel shaken by everyone, like it's my first day of kindergarten and i need a hand to hold.

im in a situation where i felt for the first time in years. felt. not "let me check my flowchart to see how 93.2% of the people in the world would respond because i'm dead inside and don't know how to respond emotionally," and move forward with said appropriate response. i felt. it felt awful. it felt wonderful. the balance of the good with the bad. ying, yang. the capacity to entertain something externally and recognize it for what it was is something i am out of practice, out of focus on. i recognize i'm green. but i feel sure it'll come back to me. if i ever had it.

it's not that i'm insecure about my capacity to feel. it's so foreign to me that i'm hoping the bike riding phenomenon will return and allow me to regain my footing fairly immediately. my walls are down, and it's made me vulnerable. very vulnerable. and learning how to protect, yet still feel - how to feel and protect rather - may as well be a new skill i have never had. heart on my sleeve. bare. naked. raw. always. all the time. i've never known how to do anything but.

and i've been informed it's time to learn. sometimes life does that ... sort of clues you in that HELLO IT'S TIME TO LEARN A LESSON HERE. and you have to move with that, feel the waves pushing you, and respect the current. they call it a current for a reason.

i don't know if i'll be able to learn the life lesson here without tears, but i suppose that's what the tears are designed for. coping mechanism. life learning mechanism. rejection on every form, every level, however significant or insignificant, is a building block to your core. use wisely. use constructively. and learn. no matter what. just learn.

weekend.

the links to my pictures from birthday weekend are in the comments section, in the event you can't find them.

halloween!!! friday ashton had his costume parade at school. wednesday night i realized that i couldn't overnight his costume for halloween because obviously he needed it friday morning. WHOOPS. i had the hardest time trying to pull it together this week! i don't know what happened. bizarre. so thursday on my lunch i went to target and purchased one of the two remaining thomas costumes and a duck costume. he sleeps with a duck every night, daisy, so i thought it would go over well. thank the lord. and which one did he pick? yep - the duck. he wasn't too keen on the whole hood thing, but he wore it for pictures; that was good enough for me.

saturday during the day we headed to mom's so she could adjust my wilma costume. i like going the authentic route and making my own instead of buying one. i wore it a few years ago - doubled up two pillowcases and make a necklace out of styrofoam balls. i also had a leopard print bag, looped around an enormous 14-inch dog bone. it rocked, if i do say so myself. i was supposed to go to a friend of a friend's party, but there were no lights on, it was raining, and i couldn't see the house numbers. GAH! i hate it when things like that happen and go awry. i tried for 10 minutes, and called the friend (no answer) before giving up and heading downtown to hear big boots. which is where i got roofied.

i had a new sitter from MBC, and i needed to be home around midnight - perfect. i had two drinks. and apparently something in the second one. i do not know how i managed to accomplish the things i did last night, but i woke up this morning with my red wilma flintstone hair, fake eyelashes still attached, and my costume and accessories on the floor in the kitchen. i managed to write the sitter a check and deadbolt my door.

i am so thankful nothing happened to me. i am absolutely livid and appalled that someone can do that to someone else. i can't even wrap my head around the "okay" someone has with themselves when they decide to do that to another person. i am grossed out. freaked out. paranoid. traumatized. relieved that i made it home okay. talk about some angels.

after my costume adjustment, we did nap, and then went up the street to a friend's house who had lots of kids over. poor ashton; every time we've been there he has had an attitude. i hope it's because both times he's been on the tired/sick side. it's embarrassing. i know i'm not supposed to take it on, but seriously him talking to people like that and being nasty like that, i feel is just uncalled for and is a reflection on me. i think he needs to get out more, socialize more, and hopefully that will help with the adjustment.

we left there, headed to our old neighbor's house - they always do the nicest things for him and make sure everything in his treat bag is ashton-safe. so, so sweet. from there we went to dude and grandma's house, and walked over to sherwood for the festivities. i was proud of him for walking up to three houses - and if you've never seen sherwood, it's over the top ridiculous fun. the police close off the street, and most of the people participate and decorate wonderfully. but ashton has a fear of toys that move by themselves; doubly so if they are loud and move by themselves. one of the neighbors had taken a huge RC truck and put a spider on top of it. he drove that thing right up to ashton's feet and i thought the kid was going to have a heart attack. he's the only scream i heard all night! and it was a true, blood curdling scream. poor kid. he got teary eyed just talking about it this morning.

he finished his prednisone today, thank the lord. i wonder if he actually has the H1N1 like his aunt laura did. not quite sick enough, but sick for weeks. i just feel like that might be what it is. hmm.

today is daddy day, and i have some things to do, people to see, work to get done. i don't feel like it, but i'm on it.

gratitude:

- angels

- laughter

- being single

birthday fun!

i cheated yesterday since i had all of five seconds to post something. but i had been sent my numerology thing so it was fast to copy and paste. on to normal life and reality of a different kind, let's talk birthday week! after the birthday party plans fell through, i was on the fence about what to do/where to plan, etc. i thought it would be a ton of fun to take ARB to the VMT in roanoke. and i was RIGHT! he had so much fun. i can't wait to take him back and do it again. at this age planning over the top can be a little disappointing when looking at his actual happiness versus all of the work. and this took little planning, we got to spend the day together, and he was the HAPPIEST. poor guy didn't want to leave. i hated to make him go, but sometimes a mom's gotta follow a schedule.

so hopefully the link lines up with pictures from the train museum. i'll try to load another post with the link to the Parkway the day before. my memories of the roost involve 1st love, rock climbing, freshman prom, and all sorts of good things. it's a place that makes me happy, makes me smile. i'm glad ashton had so much fun up there. and i'll be taking him up on the mountain as much as i can while it's still open until winter! and i can't believe in four weeks we'll be doing our annual thanksgiving hike!!! WOW.

gratitude:

- compliments

- appliances when they work

- the women in my family

In the numbers.

Your Life Path Number is 5Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one. Your Life Path will be composed of many paths. Change will be a recurring event throughout your life, and you will welcome these changes as gateways to new opportunities and the development of free will. With time you will become a defender of freedom. You will view the world through liberal's eyes, and will most likely champion the causes of the world's underdogs.

Your Life Destiny Number is 6Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled. Your purpose in life is to serve by nurturing family and loved ones. Your sense of beauty and community will make you a harmonizing force for those around you. You will bring to our world two qualities it is all too often missing: love and balance.

Your Soul Number is 3Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be. You desire to make people happy, laugh, and be all they can be. You want to create, have fun, and remain ever enthusiastic. You are a lover of life, and will do all you can to ensure those around you are aware of just how grand a gift life is.

Your Personality Number is 3Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by. You are a lover of life. You are extroverted and charming, and always want to have fun. You are the lucky possessor of the proverbial "magnetic personality." Your enthusiasm for life is contagious. Your potential to create and inspire others to create seems limitless. Of course, you are not fault free. You can be gossipy and display unwarranted jealousy. In the end, however, most will find your exuberance for life irresistible.

Your Maturity Number is 11Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self. You have the Master Number 11 as your Maturity Number. Master Numbers indicate nearly complete or complete development of the traits associated with the number they would reduce to. This relation is usually expressed by writing the Master Number and the number it reduces to together. Master Number 11 is often written 11/2. Freedom and responsibility come with having a Master Number. You have the freedom to choose whether to allow your Master Number traits to express themselves or not. If you opt to act responsibly and use your lofty powers, you will find your reward is in the choice itself. If you choose to ignore your talents, you may find yourself taking more than one step back. You may incur a Karmic Debt. Even in your early years you will exhibit knowledge and wisdom far beyond the normal. As you mature, your knowledge of all things spiritual will continue to grow. In your later years you will enjoy pursuing even more knowledge of the mystical and divine. Your intuition and psychic abilities will have reached their zenith. You will inspire and bring joy to those around you and possibly all of humankind.

Your Balance Number is 4As long as your life is on an even or uplifting keel balance numbers are relatively dormant. However, in those times when your life is out of order your Balance Number can become central to resolving the turmoil you are experiencing. Your Balance Number reflects the traits you need to bring to the forefront in order the get through difficult periods with the least amount of damage or time wasted on negative influences.A 4 Balance Number denotes a real need for self control during stressful times. Regardless of how devastating your losses may be, this is not time for you to unleash your anger or vent emotionally. Seek compromise. Do not over-inflate the severity of the situation. Do not allow yourself to get mired in details which may not be all that important. What you need to see clearly is how things are overall. Seek fairness and be fair yourself.

The 4 PinnaclesPinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life

Your First Pinnacle Number is 9A 9 Pinnacle means you are in a period where your love for your fellow man will be at its zenith. In this period you will play healer and inspirer to those around you. A 9 Pinnacle is never easy. You will be asked to sacrifice meeting your own needs for the good of others. You may experience the pain of loss, but in the end will be rewarded by fulfilling your soul's need to ease the pain of others.

Your Second Pinnacle Number is 2You will learn how to have balanced relationships with others without sacrificing your inner self. Your talents for relating to others as well as helping others relate to each other will grow.

Your Third Pinnacle Number is 11While an 11 Pinnacle will be traversed by most as a 2 Pinnacle, for those exploring metaphysical and spiritual issues this will be time of profound development. Those living life on the level of an 11 will find their intuitive powers are at their apex. This will be a time when you are called to inspire, lead and bring joy to those around you and possibly all of humankind.

Your Fourth Pinnacle Number is 8An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all.

The 4 ChallengesChallenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles.

Your First Challenge Number is 3The Challenge the number 3 puts before you is to learn to speak truly from your heart. You will have to overcome the negative traits of the number 3, which include superficiality, hyperbole, egocentrism, gossiping and disorganization.

Your Second Challenge Number is 8An 8 Challenge denotes a period when you are being called to come to the forefront and lead others. You will be tested by material gains, and must remember your true destiny is to contribute significant accomplishments to your world. To traverse this Challenge successfully you will have to learn not to misuse the power that is entrusted to you.

Your Third Challenge Number is 5A 5 Challenge marks a time when you most overcome your fear of change and risk. You will also learn to liberate yourself from that which restricts your self-expression. While a 5 Challenge may be a bit scary, it is a time of great personal development marked by the growth of your individual freedom.

Your Fourth Challenge Number is 2Your Challenge is to learn how to manage your natural sensitivity to others, aversion to conflict and need for harmony in a way that will not repress your own needs. In time you will learn to balance your needs with those of others.

The 3 CyclesCycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny.

Your First Cycle Number is 3Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents.

Your Second Cycle Number is 6A 6 Cycle denotes a period favorable for love and marriage. You will learn about commitment and responsibility to your loved ones. If you have had a failed marriage, this is a period to start anew. Regardless of the conditions you bring into this Cycle, this remains a period for the homebody to come out in you.

Your Third Cycle Number is 5Change and the development of personal freedom are the earmarks of a 5 Cycle. You will find fulfillment and joy in the adventures this Cycle holds for you. This Cycle will show you life at its most exciting.

Your Karmic Lesson Number(s) are/is 4 Karmic Lesson numbers reveal areas in which we need to grow. To become more complete, we need to give extra attention to these areas in this lifetime. If one of your 5 core numbers is the same as a Karmic Lesson Number the significance of the Karmic Lesson Number is reduced.A 4 Karmic Lesson Number is indicative of a need for direction in life. Although you may feel somewhat confused about why you are here, work to find your true path through this life.

Your Karmic Debt Number(s) are/is 14 Karmic Debt Numbers signify past abuses of your talents that you must make amends for. Like all of us, you have made many choices and taken many actions in your lives. Some of those choices and actions have been mistakes. Your past errors must be addressed, so you can use your Karmic Debt Numbers to identify exactly what type of mistakes you have made in the past and how you can atone for them. top A 14 Karmic Debt Number indicates that you have abused your right to freedom. Possibly you increased you freedom to act at the costs of others, or you exercised your free will in ways that abused your own spirit (e.g., drug use). The solution for you is to find a true path to freedom that does not harm you or others around you.

Your Lucky Number is 9Your Personal Lucky Number does not change. This number will be lucky for you your entire life. Your luck derived from this number will be strongest when you are addressing events and issues related to the general meaning of the number. Lucky Numbers should not be relied on to constantly produce positive results, or make impulsive, high risk gambles. They simply mean that where they appear you have an edge. How large an edge is impossible to determine, but seems to increase with the number of occurrences your Lucky Number is be associated with a given event or issue.Those with a Personal Lucky Number 9 have been blessed with a Personal Lucky Number that may be every bit as inherently full of good fortune as a 3. Indeed, it has been argued by some that the 9, being 3 squared is even more powerful than the 3. Your 9 will bring particularly strong luck to you when the goal is completion. This is a number that will help you clear up any unfinished business.

Your Signature Number is a 1Signature numbers are based on how you sign your name. Your signature carries the power and the faults of one of the base 9 numbers. You may actually want to sign different documents with different signatures to reap the benefit of a particular number. For instance, if you are signing an agreement of partnership you might want to alter your signature to reflect the powers of the number 2.The signature you entered is a 1. A 1 signature is good for those involved in an independent enterprise.

Your Birthday Number is 6This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny.You are a compassionate, caring soul with a vent for creating harmony amongst others. You are also a romantic and have at least a touch of the artist in you.

Your Personal Year Number is 2This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals.This is a good year for you to collect yourself—put all of the pieces that make up your life into a cohesive, orderly structure. This is also a good time for you to take time for others, learn the value of compromise and foster harmony in your life as a whole.

Your Personal Month Number is 3This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month.This is a good month for you to approach projects with the full force of your creativity, and, on a personal level, indulge yourself. Put bluntly, have fun!

Your Foundation Letter is JHaving a J Foundation Letter denotes someone who will bring justice to a project or venture. You do your best to ensure all are treated fairly.

Your End Letter is RHaving an R End Letter identifies someone who can see a project or venture through to a successful end, but they must control their emotions and not alienate others by constantly nit-picking.

Your First Vowel is EHaving an E First Vowel suggest a person with a strong need for freedom and desire to bring the products of original ideas to life.

perspective.

perspective is everything. and isn't it weird when you engage in a discussion with someone who absolutely cannot see any other angle. and isn't it also embarrassing when you're that person.

i have become legally frustrated. i know it's only going to get worse. but, nevertheless i am ugh.

should be doing a ton of things that i'm not right now since this is the first time i've been able to lay low and chill at home since last week. we had friends pop in last minute tonight, which i loved! love an impromptu visit!

ashton's birthday plans/party place got xled. i have no idea what we're going to do. and what do you do when someone gives away your space for something like that?! GAH!!! thankfully i was confirming before i sent out evites. and i think now we may just throw our hands up in the air. although, i suppose i could check the bowling alley in h'burg ... hmm.

what to do, what to do.

now i need to get on the gifts. and some sleep. big run tomorrow considering i've been quite a slacker. ugh ... im terrified. crystal's going to run my tail off!

had a great girls' weekend. i don't really think i need to say more than that because it was simply great! and i'm not a beach lover. but i loved that beach. weather was perfect. i could have napped for hours on the beach. was perfect.

exhausted. must sleep.

gratitude:

- fuzzy, gripper socks

- mucinex for kids

- ridiculous sheets

and so far, i have gotten him a game. that's it. a game. i'm lame.

clothes hell.

i am in clothes hell right now. everywhere. i finally retrieved the remainder of my personal things needed sooner than later from JR's house today. one may need socks, other than the type used for running. so i cleaned the remainder of my closet out, and proceeded to gather a ton of clothes belonging to ashton. well, that have belonged to ashton. it's so ridiculous i should take a picture. i posted a ton of 2T's on ebay today. literally it took me all afternoon. then i needed to wash them all over again because the cats had been in the room i keep all of that stuff. a LOT of stuff. then i picked up the bins of all of the baby clothes left over. 5 enormous rubbermaid bins of halloween stuff, and baby clothes. it's over the top! and i can't believe i've been sitting around not taking care of this!

i've purged some things from my closet, so i have a lot of stuff there as well ... jeans that no longer fit, tops that are too big, my favorite north face denali jacket. i could go on and on. last year i was told i looked like i was wearing someone else's clothes. and while i really cannot afford new clothes, i simply can't look like an idiot anymore. it sort of has gotten to that point. nice, but not nice. even my feet are smaller. ugh. have you MET my shoe collection?! seriously?!

it will feel good to get rid of this stuff, pass it on to others who can use it, and help fund ashton's winter wardrobe and maybe replace my favorite jacket in the process!

i went to a psychic friday. the reactions have been fun to listen to. all extremes, mind you. i immediately had someone praying for me, had someone wanting to know more, and had a discussion with my dad for about two hours regarding everything therein. it was fascinating. it was entertaining. it was comfortable and okay with me. i've always been a big believer of spiritual, other worldly things. she spoke of my angels, and spirits here to help me. she talked about my personal/family situations. she nailed it. to.a.T. i'm hesitant to put too much down, but i am looking forward to recapping it (it's all tape recorded for reference) and keeping my eyes open to certain names and things she "saw". fascinating.

saw The Informant this week. loved it.

i have a crazy, loaded week! tomorrow ashton doesn't have school, and since he's feeling under the weather and i'm leaving thursday morning, i think i'm going to have a mommy day with him. we really struggled the first month we were here, and it's all falling into place. i think i called it right when i said i expected the first four weeks to be hell, and then for it to normalize from there. so far, that seems to mostly be it. but we had lost our connection, and i think it's getting much better and we're getting at a much better place than we had been. and in my defense (of being a lousy mom for four weeks) i just couldn't be there for him as much as i needed to be there for him. i know everything happens for a reason, and in the end he is becoming more self-reliant as a result of "mommy isn't here for me right now," while i still acknowledge he's 2.95 and needs me to be there for him. it's all such a circle. it's so hard to not think about anything but him until 8:30 pm. and some days, it simply didn't happen like that. but he knows i'm human, and not perfect. and i think the sooner we establish that, the better. expecting perfection is a huge disappointment. but wow we've come so far in a short time.

leaving thursday for girls' weekend, and i am ridiculously excited! i haven't been this excited to get together with them in a long time. and it's weird because it's not like i haven't seen them a lot in the last few months. i'm different. that makes a big difference. not to be redundant...

must clean up some clothes and sleep!

gratitude:

- lessons

- little red wagon

- feeling comfy and homey in my new home

friends.

thinking a lot about my friends this week. all of them. i have the ones i've known all my life. the ones i just made yesterday. the ones i don't really like. the ones that don't really like me. the ones i've lost touch with and miss, but can't seem to energize enough to reconnect with. the ones i've reconnected with and missed. the ones that mean well and execute poorly. the ones i pass that along to. and then there are the ones that i have and don't understand exactly what our relationship is.

ironic thing is feeling like this today, my horoscope said the same exact thing: even if it's via email get in touch with even the most remote friend. it'll do you good, even if you don't receive a response. and i'm cool with that.

had a major shift in relationships this week, across the board. male and female relationships in all shapes and sizes. i definitely feel the wave of change coming swiftly. and i don't think i am in the shoes to keep up with the momentum of that change. i'm trying. maybe if i slept i would feel more prepared and better equipped to think. think period, and think quicker on my feet.

at the end of the day, i feel alive again. i feel i'm slipping back into the state of me that once was, but just the tiniest bit smarter about where i do not want to go back to. it's hard to let go and forgive myself for letting me evolve into something i didn't understand, and to be patient and forgiving with the whys and endless other scenarios. because at the end of the day, my situation is in my control. and as a control freak it's hard to say i lost control.

i lost control.

and apparently i never really had it.

if i had control, i would not have allowed myself to be at the mercy of others wishes, wants or needs. i would have worked in conjunction with my own needs and have assigned that some priority instead of no priority. and i lost that capability. if i ever had it. if i ever learned it.

knowing the change is here and letting myself seep slowly out i feel empowered. i feel everything happens for a reason and it's time for me to put my experiences to good use. i feel like i need to surround myself with the friends that know me enough, but not too well. i need the lenses they see me through to be clear, and give me latitude to develop me again. not well said, but there it is. asking for the patience and dissolution of prejudgement is too much on some long-term friendships. other long-term friendships have strengthened in the wake of my rebirth. transition is beautiful. and i know even when certain relationships fade or become distant, i've allowed myself to entertain new and beautiful personalities to enter my life. the ying-yang of life.

now i just have to remember to appreciate it for what it is and keep the glass half full!

gratitude:

- boys that smell good

- exhaustion of a good volleyball game

- sarcasm

trying!

i think i've been exhausted for so long, running on adrenaline, i've had no idea how done i am. i'm pretty sure i'm in a deficit big enough it's going to take months to recoup. it'll be alright in a while; simply kicked in my desire for a better schedule. so that'll start this week!

the meeting with my attorney this week went fairly well. some things i didn't agree with, but there will always be that. she's smart, been through a similar situation, and is an easy talker. i like her. hopefully the petition will go through soon. and as an FYI to all the moms out there, single or not, make sure your friends and family are aware that in VA, there is no such thing as retroactive child support. it's not effective until you petition for it.

boy, ashton is one angry kid right now. without question, i have never dealt with something that breaks my heart more than trying to communicate and reason with a child who simply cannot understand, and has no way to express it other than being, well, the way he's been. we go through a few good hours, and then it all turns inside out all over again. some days we're lucky if we get a few good hours. my heart hurts, and i'm sure his does too. trial and error, and consistency. i had a lot of alone time this weekend compared to my usual six hours, and used it to sort through some things and come up with some new strategies and scenarios. i hope it starts to snap together soon. i did say i hoped for four rotten weeks that turned into a much better scenario immediately following. that instead of month after month full of changes. i don't know what's better, but this is where we are now!

the up side is he's super comfy with school now! wednesday when i dropped him off, he didn't even want to hug me goodbye, much less hang on my leg. he sat right at the table and jumped right in. i was so happy to see that for him! friday evening i took him to the mall to climb on things/play and do the arcade since it was rainy, and he saw one of his teachers. i think it was good for him to see her out of the school zone. he spent saturday with his dad, and saturday night with my mom. mom took him to church today, and i got him then.

i'm babystepping my way through my personal stuff. i feel like i don't know how to have an adult conversation anymore. due to many, many things that i'm not going to go into now. but it was nice to be out of the house this weekend, have adult time with a variety of people, and then reflect on my conversations and see exactly where i am. reflection is good, even when it's hard. and geez do i need to get a life. i'll give myself a 5 out of 10. could have been worse; could have been better. but you've got to start somewhere! i'm enjoying new friends, new things, old friends, familiar things, all in a different way and in a new light. changing, and new.

i have a lazy urgency that's bothering me, and i've been using people as soundboards for ideas regarding my restlessness.

sidebar: I HATE A BARKING DOG AND I WISH MY NEIGHBORS WOULD STOP LEAVING THEIR DOG OUTSIDE FROM 8-10PM EVERY STINKING NIGHT. THE DOG DOESN'T GET IT. SERIOUSLY. DOES NOT. GET IT A COLLAR.

i have so many ideas, so many directions - i feel so ADD i might just have to get tested! yet somehow this week i managed to do something i haven't done in i don't know how long. every night this week, i sat and watched TV. every night. i really couldn't believe i let myself sit still. i didn't clean things. i didn't let the remaining boxes drive me nuts. i just rested. pretty hard for me to do under some circumstances, but this week it was pretty easy.

have an early morning visit planned with grandma donna and pop-pop, who came in for the weekend! wonderful, fun people! they're coming over to see our new house before ashton heads to school and we kick off our week.

gotta hit the bed since i have one heck of a week in front of me!

gratitude:

- a solid foundation

- a dishwasher

- catching a glimpse of it

what a month.

i can't believe i haven't posted in weeks! ashton and i have had a tough few weeks. preschool starting has been a major issue for him. he's having alienation issues, which is more than understandable. he misses his daddy, and i'm glad he does. he fact that he misses his daddy is a good sign, but also makes it even harder when i have to leave him somewhere. he's really having a tough time with alienation, etc. i'm trying to be patient and give him a little extra. it's hard when i'm going through my own stuff simultaneously. i'm trying to work on me when he's asleep ... and when he's not getting sleep it makes it extra hard.

a lot to work through all at once; no doubt about it.

so ashy started soccer on saturday, which was hard for him. i don't think he understands exactly what he's supposed to do. i'm okay with that - i just wish he would have a little more fun with it. hopefully this week he'll be more used to it and be able to relax and have fun with his friends! he is one of the youngest by far, and i'm thankful the coach let him in the program to begin with. i think it'll be like school and it'll take him a little bit to acclimate. he was pretty clingy, but i think this week will be better. finding the more time he spends with JR, the happier he is. we're working on it!

i meet with my attorney this week to finalize a few things. everything is starting to wrap up, and provide some closure.

the place is coming along! we still have some cardboard in the house but it's coming. aunt shelly is on the fence about her next moves - totally understandable. anxiously awaiting her decision! having come back to staunton after living in c'ville ... ugh. i don't want to be in s'town, so i can't imagine how it feels at 30. at least i was 24 :) good or bad - it's different.

had many revelations this week regarding personal intricacies and revelations. having a tough time working through some of them. feeling the foundation shaken beneath me, and recognizing those things that have been pushed off to the back burner because of all the other drama and situations requiring my immediate attention. i assumed as much; knowing the dramatic letdown following any highly anticipated event, or long-term focused event ... there's always the ugh afterwards.

moving forward. excitedly anticipating the future even though i know it's going to be a hard, hard road. ash is the most important, and i think the evolution of his life will help to make him a strong, independent boy. transition is hard and so terribly uncomfortable and uncharted.

we'll do it. we'll do it. it's coming along and we're making it!

girls weekend is soon!!! book club meets soon, and so does cook club - i cannot wait!!! i so enjoy my network of friends and acquaintances - it means so much to me.

13.1

i made it. 13.1 miles. i ran the whole thing. all of it.

so talk about some mental blocks ... i began in corral 26. with the walkers. all those cheaters from way back snuck up in my block and i got lumped in with the walkers. not that there's anything wrong with walking ... but the course was only so wide at places, and i swear to you i ran at least 1/4 mile just doing zig-zags to get in between walkers. i have to tell you i had no love for the walkers until after i was done. at mile 3 i had to pee - there was no denying it. i stood in line for over 3 minutes, so that hurt my time too. i was hoping to finish at 2:40, and i ended up right at 2:50 and change. and i'm pretty sure they didn't measure the course quite right. they changed the cones in the military reserve base - i don't know what they did or why they did it, but they changed the cones and i ran part of the course twice. WHO DOES THAT. seriously.

but i tried gu for the first time and didn't hurl. i thought i might, but i didn't.

i drank cytomax every four miles and it made me have a cramp where my heart is. not a big one, but one just enough to make me think i probably shouldn't drink it again. but then by the time that next four miles was over, i wanted it again - not a lot. just a little. on mile 11, i actually drank the whole cup of water, and not just the little that i could gulp down while not breaking stride, and then trying to chuck it without hitting a volunteer.

after mile 10, every mile felt twice as long as the one before it. i could not believe how painful the last three were. i couldn't quit. i just couldn't. i don't know how i DIDN'T. it was ridiculous the mental pain, the physical pain. when i crossed the finish line, and took my first walking step, i thought i was going to collapse. my muscles didn't hurt like that running. walking, still, is excruciating though. every public toilet from VAB to here was a test of my strength all over again. just think about it. i actually panicked all day saturday because i slammed myself into my bed frame. the footboard is steel pipe, about two inches in diameter, and i have a bruise and knot the same size right above my right knee. i thought for sure i was going to be out in two miles or less. weird thing is it didn't bother me at all running - i never even knew i had it. but every step walking was pain. hallelujah.

i completed my goal, which is awesome to me, and amazing. it inspires me to want to do it again in a way. and in another way i don't ever want to do it again. i suppose i should never say never.

the weather was absolute perfection until this morning when it rained like crazy (which of course made it easier to leave!). not only that, we got comp'd TWO VIP/BACKSTAGE PASSES TO SEE HEART!!! saturday night, we ate fantastic pizza, and then headed over to watch Heart play. they were amazing! to see them in person was one of the most beautiful things ever - nancy wilson sounds studio quality when she sings. they opened with barracuda - ann wilson rocked. she has one of the most amazing voices i think i've ever heard and to hear her and watch her sing live made my heart smile.

after the run yesterday, we took a three-hour nap, and were still on the beach at 3:30. we hung out for a while, then hit a seafood restaurant next door that was delicious! we had a 90-minute wait, but it was worth it. we followed that up with a hot tub soak, and bed. yeah ... our room had a heart-shaped whirlpool tub. i'm still laughing!!! but it was exactly what we needed. i think it's helped my muscles a ton. if i can get ARB to bed early a few nights this week i might take a super long soak in his fancy claw foot tub!

what an absolutely perfect weekend!

gratitude:

- quantitative proof i have more mental strength than i give myself credit for

- sweet hugs from my baby

- my bed

i am drooling on myself.

seriously at this point i am almost drooling on myself. i don't know if i should take a nap or try to install my blinds. or unpack more. i don't know if i'm coming or going. i'm being a rotten person because i can't focus on what i'm doing, think ahead to what i'm supposed to do, or anything else. i forgot my wallet last night ... cartload of stuff at Target. uhh ... 20 minutes away. came home to get the wallet. it wasn't here. go back to the car, start to drive to TJMaxx. call first. it's not there. come back home - ahh, it must be in the diaper bag since i paid kate! WRONG. OMG. I LOST.MY. WALLET. i get back in the car trying to figure out what the heck i'm going to do and kate texts me i have left it at her house. then ... yes, we drove back to target. i had no silverware. low on diapers. soy milk. the list continued ... not to mention a rug i found for 50% off that i was not about to let go of. poor ashton didn't actually fall asleep last night until almost 11. 11! he is having a hard time in his new room ... it's all still very new and he freaked out and wanted to go to daddy's house ... so hard. so hard. so hard. actually at this point i'm drooling and crying really because i am so drained. i know it'll be fine sooner than later and this is all temporary. i know this is the right thing, even though it's terribly hard on all levels for all involved. but i truly am exhausted. i think i've been exhausted for longer than this week and it's all hit me just now.

and all this makes me so scared for this weekend! how in the world am i going to do this, this tired. i know attitude is everything so i'm sort of bummed that i feel so yuck inside right now. i know i will give it everything i have on sunday morning. hopefully being at the beach will calm me down, relax me, and let me rest. i am really looking forward to it!

this week not only did we have the move, but we had ARB's open house for preschool! he starts next wednesday. the teachers are being very proactive about all his food allergies, which makes me feel good. i have a lot of work ahead of me to ensure food/education are appropriately provided ... if only my office were set up so i could do that...!!!

this move has cost me every penny i have, so i'm starting to freak out and panic. i know i need to give it time, and i can chill out. but today is so not that day.

gratitude:

- supportive family & friends

- wonderful gift-bearing neighbors!

- sleep ... wherever you are

i ran eight miles.

i ran eight miles today. i was hoping for six. i could have run 10 if my knee wasn't hurting. it's so weird ... i remember when i first started running, how it took everything i had to make one mile. even today i think the first mile is always the hardest for me. it's not the cardio that bothers me anymore ... it's the muscles and the mental blocks that pop up. i know my weaknesses are my abs and my inability to run solo. i'm going to start crunches this week, which i'm not thrilled about but think will help my back and core of course. and i'm going to keep running with somebody - anybody - that's available! i'm really thankful and lucky i've found such a big group of girls to run with.

right now i have a sobbing 2.8 year old begging to get out of his room from behind a baby gate. mr. independence has decided he doesn't want to nap on the weekends. he gets so miserable. and makes it miserable for us too. we can't play, can't do things, can't have fun because he gets cranky and so emotional so easy without the nap. drama. i'm caving. i gotta go. we have to do something different so this guy will nap at home. maybe i'll take him to kate's for nap on saturday and sunday! hahaha!

good to be out!

running yesterday was so-so. again it was raining so i hit the gym. i think the treadmill is killing my knee. i felt fine running. as soon as i started to walk, my left knee was crunchy. it makes me lightheaded. blech. i realized my favorite moments of running are when i don't even think about what i'm doing and it just comes naturally. i don't think about my form, my breathing, my abs, my calves burning ... it all just goes together easily. and then for some reason i start thinking about it and it ruins that fantastic blank mind feeling! why do i do that?!

went out last night with some girls. good to be out, dressed up, and eat fantastic food! girl time is a must. it helps you gain bearings on where you are with things in your life, gives you a discussion panel, ears to listen, feedback, laughter, storytellers to listen to, and ways to connect.

my dinner was patsysmackinggood. i ordered a side of polyface farms sausage and corn succotash. holy. it had a cheese based sauce, not too thick or runny, with jalepenos. and it was so good ... i want more!!!

we didn't stay out late, and retired from the downtown early.

ashtonboy spent the night with mom. my debate is what time to pick him up and what to do today! we had a really weird night thursday night, and i'm not sure what's going on with him. obviously he's having real emotional trouble this week with the separation. i'm on it ... ordering books, and trying to figure out the best way to talk to him, shelter him, be honest with him. my goals are to be honest, balanced, truthful and fair with him. all of the books written for kids are geared 4-8, so i hope it's not too terribly over the top or wordy for him.

he's signed up for soccer!!! more friends to make, and beginning the sports schedules ... i have a feeling this is the beginning of decades of practices and game days! how cute will he be in his little soccer shorts and cleats?! eat him up.

i've been lying in bed since i was awakened and pulled some new music off iTunes for the heck of it. DM's new one, metric, silversun pickups, old school beck. thinking i need to get airport to back up my things on since i'd like to try to pull all my cd's on my computer. that'll take a bit although i'm sure once i go through all that stuff i'll find i really don't care about a lot of it anymore ... i have some really trendy stuff in there alongside the stuff i'll never stop listening to. some of it is really embarrassing.

smells is in germany - whoo hoo! i can't wait for her to get back.

i've had my log in and password for four months and worked gradually on my application to grad school for MBA. however i have done nothing about taking my GMAT's. i think i'm worried about not reaping the benefits of the degree. i want to run a company. period. a small company, preferably. everything always comes back to me wanting to be the boss. bossy is a given, thanks. so i'm going to need to figure out a smart, realistic way to make that happen in the later years of my life. i need the latitude to make decisions, and understand different schools of thought, how other companies work their decision-making processes, etc. i don't know if i can make myself work on the prep work, but it's something to think about after christmas. $15k is what it's costing current entry year students at JMU. i'd like to think i'd qualify for some sort of financial aid! i've never had a student loan. i don't know the first thing about how it works ... deferred payments i'd hope? i also don't have any idea how i'd stack up to the other students in class. let's face it ... i'm a terrible student. i don't do well in a classroom setting ... but i feel like i need a paper to match the goals i'm looking for, or at least facilitate my end goals. am i crazy here?

guess i'll get out of bed now. it's only 10:34. ahhh....

gratitude:

- sateen sheets

- music

- legs to run and run and run

new.

i just deleted my old blog. LIFE WITH BOYS is over. and a new chapter begins. although FRESH START sounds more like a feminie hygiene product, i'm going with it for now.

at least you'll have pretty new colors to look at, right?!