10.28.2009

birthday fun!

i cheated yesterday since i had all of five seconds to post something. but i had been sent my numerology thing so it was fast to copy and paste. on to normal life and reality of a different kind, let's talk birthday week! after the birthday party plans fell through, i was on the fence about what to do/where to plan, etc. i thought it would be a ton of fun to take ARB to the VMT in roanoke. and i was RIGHT! he had so much fun. i can't wait to take him back and do it again. at this age planning over the top can be a little disappointing when looking at his actual happiness versus all of the work. and this took little planning, we got to spend the day together, and he was the HAPPIEST. poor guy didn't want to leave. i hated to make him go, but sometimes a mom's gotta follow a schedule.

so hopefully the link lines up with pictures from the train museum. i'll try to load another post with the link to the Parkway the day before. my memories of the roost involve 1st love, rock climbing, freshman prom, and all sorts of good things. it's a place that makes me happy, makes me smile. i'm glad ashton had so much fun up there. and i'll be taking him up on the mountain as much as i can while it's still open until winter! and i can't believe in four weeks we'll be doing our annual thanksgiving hike!!! WOW.

gratitude:
- compliments
- appliances when they work
- the women in my family

10.27.2009

In the numbers.

Your Life Path Number is 5Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one. Your Life Path will be composed of many paths. Change will be a recurring event throughout your life, and you will welcome these changes as gateways to new opportunities and the development of free will. With time you will become a defender of freedom. You will view the world through liberal's eyes, and will most likely champion the causes of the world's underdogs.

Your Life Destiny Number is 6Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled. Your purpose in life is to serve by nurturing family and loved ones. Your sense of beauty and community will make you a harmonizing force for those around you. You will bring to our world two qualities it is all too often missing: love and balance.

Your Soul Number is 3Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be. You desire to make people happy, laugh, and be all they can be. You want to create, have fun, and remain ever enthusiastic. You are a lover of life, and will do all you can to ensure those around you are aware of just how grand a gift life is.

Your Personality Number is 3Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by. You are a lover of life. You are extroverted and charming, and always want to have fun. You are the lucky possessor of the proverbial "magnetic personality." Your enthusiasm for life is contagious. Your potential to create and inspire others to create seems limitless. Of course, you are not fault free. You can be gossipy and display unwarranted jealousy. In the end, however, most will find your exuberance for life irresistible.

Your Maturity Number is 11Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self. You have the Master Number 11 as your Maturity Number. Master Numbers indicate nearly complete or complete development of the traits associated with the number they would reduce to. This relation is usually expressed by writing the Master Number and the number it reduces to together. Master Number 11 is often written 11/2. Freedom and responsibility come with having a Master Number. You have the freedom to choose whether to allow your Master Number traits to express themselves or not. If you opt to act responsibly and use your lofty powers, you will find your reward is in the choice itself. If you choose to ignore your talents, you may find yourself taking more than one step back. You may incur a Karmic Debt. Even in your early years you will exhibit knowledge and wisdom far beyond the normal. As you mature, your knowledge of all things spiritual will continue to grow. In your later years you will enjoy pursuing even more knowledge of the mystical and divine. Your intuition and psychic abilities will have reached their zenith. You will inspire and bring joy to those around you and possibly all of humankind.

Your Balance Number is 4As long as your life is on an even or uplifting keel balance numbers are relatively dormant. However, in those times when your life is out of order your Balance Number can become central to resolving the turmoil you are experiencing. Your Balance Number reflects the traits you need to bring to the forefront in order the get through difficult periods with the least amount of damage or time wasted on negative influences.A 4 Balance Number denotes a real need for self control during stressful times. Regardless of how devastating your losses may be, this is not time for you to unleash your anger or vent emotionally. Seek compromise. Do not over-inflate the severity of the situation. Do not allow yourself to get mired in details which may not be all that important. What you need to see clearly is how things are overall. Seek fairness and be fair yourself.

The 4 PinnaclesPinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life

Your First Pinnacle Number is 9A 9 Pinnacle means you are in a period where your love for your fellow man will be at its zenith. In this period you will play healer and inspirer to those around you. A 9 Pinnacle is never easy. You will be asked to sacrifice meeting your own needs for the good of others. You may experience the pain of loss, but in the end will be rewarded by fulfilling your soul's need to ease the pain of others.

Your Second Pinnacle Number is 2You will learn how to have balanced relationships with others without sacrificing your inner self. Your talents for relating to others as well as helping others relate to each other will grow.

Your Third Pinnacle Number is 11While an 11 Pinnacle will be traversed by most as a 2 Pinnacle, for those exploring metaphysical and spiritual issues this will be time of profound development. Those living life on the level of an 11 will find their intuitive powers are at their apex. This will be a time when you are called to inspire, lead and bring joy to those around you and possibly all of humankind.

Your Fourth Pinnacle Number is 8An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all.

The 4 ChallengesChallenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles.

Your First Challenge Number is 3The Challenge the number 3 puts before you is to learn to speak truly from your heart. You will have to overcome the negative traits of the number 3, which include superficiality, hyperbole, egocentrism, gossiping and disorganization.

Your Second Challenge Number is 8An 8 Challenge denotes a period when you are being called to come to the forefront and lead others. You will be tested by material gains, and must remember your true destiny is to contribute significant accomplishments to your world. To traverse this Challenge successfully you will have to learn not to misuse the power that is entrusted to you.

Your Third Challenge Number is 5A 5 Challenge marks a time when you most overcome your fear of change and risk. You will also learn to liberate yourself from that which restricts your self-expression. While a 5 Challenge may be a bit scary, it is a time of great personal development marked by the growth of your individual freedom.

Your Fourth Challenge Number is 2Your Challenge is to learn how to manage your natural sensitivity to others, aversion to conflict and need for harmony in a way that will not repress your own needs. In time you will learn to balance your needs with those of others.

The 3 CyclesCycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny.

Your First Cycle Number is 3Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents.

Your Second Cycle Number is 6A 6 Cycle denotes a period favorable for love and marriage. You will learn about commitment and responsibility to your loved ones. If you have had a failed marriage, this is a period to start anew. Regardless of the conditions you bring into this Cycle, this remains a period for the homebody to come out in you.

Your Third Cycle Number is 5Change and the development of personal freedom are the earmarks of a 5 Cycle. You will find fulfillment and joy in the adventures this Cycle holds for you. This Cycle will show you life at its most exciting.

Your Karmic Lesson Number(s) are/is 4 Karmic Lesson numbers reveal areas in which we need to grow. To become more complete, we need to give extra attention to these areas in this lifetime. If one of your 5 core numbers is the same as a Karmic Lesson Number the significance of the Karmic Lesson Number is reduced.A 4 Karmic Lesson Number is indicative of a need for direction in life. Although you may feel somewhat confused about why you are here, work to find your true path through this life.

Your Karmic Debt Number(s) are/is 14 Karmic Debt Numbers signify past abuses of your talents that you must make amends for. Like all of us, you have made many choices and taken many actions in your lives. Some of those choices and actions have been mistakes. Your past errors must be addressed, so you can use your Karmic Debt Numbers to identify exactly what type of mistakes you have made in the past and how you can atone for them. top A 14 Karmic Debt Number indicates that you have abused your right to freedom. Possibly you increased you freedom to act at the costs of others, or you exercised your free will in ways that abused your own spirit (e.g., drug use). The solution for you is to find a true path to freedom that does not harm you or others around you.

Your Lucky Number is 9Your Personal Lucky Number does not change. This number will be lucky for you your entire life. Your luck derived from this number will be strongest when you are addressing events and issues related to the general meaning of the number. Lucky Numbers should not be relied on to constantly produce positive results, or make impulsive, high risk gambles. They simply mean that where they appear you have an edge. How large an edge is impossible to determine, but seems to increase with the number of occurrences your Lucky Number is be associated with a given event or issue.Those with a Personal Lucky Number 9 have been blessed with a Personal Lucky Number that may be every bit as inherently full of good fortune as a 3. Indeed, it has been argued by some that the 9, being 3 squared is even more powerful than the 3. Your 9 will bring particularly strong luck to you when the goal is completion. This is a number that will help you clear up any unfinished business.

Your Signature Number is a 1Signature numbers are based on how you sign your name. Your signature carries the power and the faults of one of the base 9 numbers. You may actually want to sign different documents with different signatures to reap the benefit of a particular number. For instance, if you are signing an agreement of partnership you might want to alter your signature to reflect the powers of the number 2.The signature you entered is a 1. A 1 signature is good for those involved in an independent enterprise.

Your Birthday Number is 6This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny.You are a compassionate, caring soul with a vent for creating harmony amongst others. You are also a romantic and have at least a touch of the artist in you.

Your Personal Year Number is 2This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals.This is a good year for you to collect yourself—put all of the pieces that make up your life into a cohesive, orderly structure. This is also a good time for you to take time for others, learn the value of compromise and foster harmony in your life as a whole.

Your Personal Month Number is 3This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month.This is a good month for you to approach projects with the full force of your creativity, and, on a personal level, indulge yourself. Put bluntly, have fun!

Your Foundation Letter is JHaving a J Foundation Letter denotes someone who will bring justice to a project or venture. You do your best to ensure all are treated fairly.

Your End Letter is RHaving an R End Letter identifies someone who can see a project or venture through to a successful end, but they must control their emotions and not alienate others by constantly nit-picking.

Your First Vowel is EHaving an E First Vowel suggest a person with a strong need for freedom and desire to bring the products of original ideas to life.

10.20.2009

perspective.

perspective is everything. and isn't it weird when you engage in a discussion with someone who absolutely cannot see any other angle. and isn't it also embarrassing when you're that person.

i have become legally frustrated. i know it's only going to get worse. but, nevertheless i am ugh.

should be doing a ton of things that i'm not right now since this is the first time i've been able to lay low and chill at home since last week. we had friends pop in last minute tonight, which i loved! love an impromptu visit!

ashton's birthday plans/party place got xled. i have no idea what we're going to do. and what do you do when someone gives away your space for something like that?! GAH!!! thankfully i was confirming before i sent out evites. and i think now we may just throw our hands up in the air. although, i suppose i could check the bowling alley in h'burg ... hmm.

what to do, what to do.

now i need to get on the gifts. and some sleep. big run tomorrow considering i've been quite a slacker. ugh ... im terrified. crystal's going to run my tail off!

had a great girls' weekend. i don't really think i need to say more than that because it was simply great! and i'm not a beach lover. but i loved that beach. weather was perfect. i could have napped for hours on the beach. was perfect.

exhausted. must sleep.

gratitude:
- fuzzy, gripper socks
- mucinex for kids
- ridiculous sheets

and so far, i have gotten him a game. that's it. a game. i'm lame.

10.11.2009

clothes hell.

i am in clothes hell right now. everywhere. i finally retrieved the remainder of my personal things needed sooner than later from JR's house today. one may need socks, other than the type used for running. so i cleaned the remainder of my closet out, and proceeded to gather a ton of clothes belonging to ashton. well, that have belonged to ashton. it's so ridiculous i should take a picture. i posted a ton of 2T's on ebay today. literally it took me all afternoon. then i needed to wash them all over again because the cats had been in the room i keep all of that stuff. a LOT of stuff. then i picked up the bins of all of the baby clothes left over. 5 enormous rubbermaid bins of halloween stuff, and baby clothes. it's over the top! and i can't believe i've been sitting around not taking care of this!

i've purged some things from my closet, so i have a lot of stuff there as well ... jeans that no longer fit, tops that are too big, my favorite north face denali jacket. i could go on and on. last year i was told i looked like i was wearing someone else's clothes. and while i really cannot afford new clothes, i simply can't look like an idiot anymore. it sort of has gotten to that point. nice, but not nice. even my feet are smaller. ugh. have you MET my shoe collection?! seriously?!

it will feel good to get rid of this stuff, pass it on to others who can use it, and help fund ashton's winter wardrobe and maybe replace my favorite jacket in the process!

i went to a psychic friday. the reactions have been fun to listen to. all extremes, mind you. i immediately had someone praying for me, had someone wanting to know more, and had a discussion with my dad for about two hours regarding everything therein. it was fascinating. it was entertaining. it was comfortable and okay with me. i've always been a big believer of spiritual, other worldly things. she spoke of my angels, and spirits here to help me. she talked about my personal/family situations. she nailed it. to.a.T. i'm hesitant to put too much down, but i am looking forward to recapping it (it's all tape recorded for reference) and keeping my eyes open to certain names and things she "saw". fascinating.

saw The Informant this week. loved it.

i have a crazy, loaded week! tomorrow ashton doesn't have school, and since he's feeling under the weather and i'm leaving thursday morning, i think i'm going to have a mommy day with him. we really struggled the first month we were here, and it's all falling into place. i think i called it right when i said i expected the first four weeks to be hell, and then for it to normalize from there. so far, that seems to mostly be it. but we had lost our connection, and i think it's getting much better and we're getting at a much better place than we had been. and in my defense (of being a lousy mom for four weeks) i just couldn't be there for him as much as i needed to be there for him. i know everything happens for a reason, and in the end he is becoming more self-reliant as a result of "mommy isn't here for me right now," while i still acknowledge he's 2.95 and needs me to be there for him. it's all such a circle. it's so hard to not think about anything but him until 8:30 pm. and some days, it simply didn't happen like that. but he knows i'm human, and not perfect. and i think the sooner we establish that, the better. expecting perfection is a huge disappointment. but wow we've come so far in a short time.

leaving thursday for girls' weekend, and i am ridiculously excited! i haven't been this excited to get together with them in a long time. and it's weird because it's not like i haven't seen them a lot in the last few months. i'm different. that makes a big difference. not to be redundant...

must clean up some clothes and sleep!

gratitude:
- lessons
- little red wagon
- feeling comfy and homey in my new home

10.04.2009

friends.

thinking a lot about my friends this week. all of them. i have the ones i've known all my life. the ones i just made yesterday. the ones i don't really like. the ones that don't really like me. the ones i've lost touch with and miss, but can't seem to energize enough to reconnect with. the ones i've reconnected with and missed. the ones that mean well and execute poorly. the ones i pass that along to. and then there are the ones that i have and don't understand exactly what our relationship is.

ironic thing is feeling like this today, my horoscope said the same exact thing: even if it's via email get in touch with even the most remote friend. it'll do you good, even if you don't receive a response. and i'm cool with that.

had a major shift in relationships this week, across the board. male and female relationships in all shapes and sizes. i definitely feel the wave of change coming swiftly. and i don't think i am in the shoes to keep up with the momentum of that change. i'm trying. maybe if i slept i would feel more prepared and better equipped to think. think period, and think quicker on my feet.

at the end of the day, i feel alive again. i feel i'm slipping back into the state of me that once was, but just the tiniest bit smarter about where i do not want to go back to. it's hard to let go and forgive myself for letting me evolve into something i didn't understand, and to be patient and forgiving with the whys and endless other scenarios. because at the end of the day, my situation is in my control. and as a control freak it's hard to say i lost control.

i lost control.

and apparently i never really had it.

if i had control, i would not have allowed myself to be at the mercy of others wishes, wants or needs. i would have worked in conjunction with my own needs and have assigned that some priority instead of no priority. and i lost that capability. if i ever had it. if i ever learned it.

knowing the change is here and letting myself seep slowly out i feel empowered. i feel everything happens for a reason and it's time for me to put my experiences to good use. i feel like i need to surround myself with the friends that know me enough, but not too well. i need the lenses they see me through to be clear, and give me latitude to develop me again. not well said, but there it is. asking for the patience and dissolution of prejudgement is too much on some long-term friendships. other long-term friendships have strengthened in the wake of my rebirth. transition is beautiful. and i know even when certain relationships fade or become distant, i've allowed myself to entertain new and beautiful personalities to enter my life. the ying-yang of life.

now i just have to remember to appreciate it for what it is and keep the glass half full!

gratitude:
- boys that smell good
- exhaustion of a good volleyball game
- sarcasm