clothes hell.

i am in clothes hell right now. everywhere. i finally retrieved the remainder of my personal things needed sooner than later from JR's house today. one may need socks, other than the type used for running. so i cleaned the remainder of my closet out, and proceeded to gather a ton of clothes belonging to ashton. well, that have belonged to ashton. it's so ridiculous i should take a picture. i posted a ton of 2T's on ebay today. literally it took me all afternoon. then i needed to wash them all over again because the cats had been in the room i keep all of that stuff. a LOT of stuff. then i picked up the bins of all of the baby clothes left over. 5 enormous rubbermaid bins of halloween stuff, and baby clothes. it's over the top! and i can't believe i've been sitting around not taking care of this!

i've purged some things from my closet, so i have a lot of stuff there as well ... jeans that no longer fit, tops that are too big, my favorite north face denali jacket. i could go on and on. last year i was told i looked like i was wearing someone else's clothes. and while i really cannot afford new clothes, i simply can't look like an idiot anymore. it sort of has gotten to that point. nice, but not nice. even my feet are smaller. ugh. have you MET my shoe collection?! seriously?!

it will feel good to get rid of this stuff, pass it on to others who can use it, and help fund ashton's winter wardrobe and maybe replace my favorite jacket in the process!

i went to a psychic friday. the reactions have been fun to listen to. all extremes, mind you. i immediately had someone praying for me, had someone wanting to know more, and had a discussion with my dad for about two hours regarding everything therein. it was fascinating. it was entertaining. it was comfortable and okay with me. i've always been a big believer of spiritual, other worldly things. she spoke of my angels, and spirits here to help me. she talked about my personal/family situations. she nailed it. to.a.T. i'm hesitant to put too much down, but i am looking forward to recapping it (it's all tape recorded for reference) and keeping my eyes open to certain names and things she "saw". fascinating.

saw The Informant this week. loved it.

i have a crazy, loaded week! tomorrow ashton doesn't have school, and since he's feeling under the weather and i'm leaving thursday morning, i think i'm going to have a mommy day with him. we really struggled the first month we were here, and it's all falling into place. i think i called it right when i said i expected the first four weeks to be hell, and then for it to normalize from there. so far, that seems to mostly be it. but we had lost our connection, and i think it's getting much better and we're getting at a much better place than we had been. and in my defense (of being a lousy mom for four weeks) i just couldn't be there for him as much as i needed to be there for him. i know everything happens for a reason, and in the end he is becoming more self-reliant as a result of "mommy isn't here for me right now," while i still acknowledge he's 2.95 and needs me to be there for him. it's all such a circle. it's so hard to not think about anything but him until 8:30 pm. and some days, it simply didn't happen like that. but he knows i'm human, and not perfect. and i think the sooner we establish that, the better. expecting perfection is a huge disappointment. but wow we've come so far in a short time.

leaving thursday for girls' weekend, and i am ridiculously excited! i haven't been this excited to get together with them in a long time. and it's weird because it's not like i haven't seen them a lot in the last few months. i'm different. that makes a big difference. not to be redundant...

must clean up some clothes and sleep!

gratitude:

- lessons

- little red wagon

- feeling comfy and homey in my new home